I was always a “backbencher” for most part of my life. I enjoyed looking at things from afar, passively. Any form of active responsibility that came my way was immediately disregarded and taken to be not my cup of tea. I was also a rather conceited person; I enjoyed people’s recognition of my abilities and talents and prided myself in it even though I was not manifestly arrogant.

Until my Junior College days, I was not much of a “leader” in secular terms. It was then that I began to realise that it was pretty good being in leadership, people show more consideration for you! Slowly but surely, I became more full of myself, more sure of my abilities and talents. That was when I subconsciously started to feel that I did not need God. Sure, there was the token daily prayer during devotions and the Sunday Church service but nothing more. They were just routine, “tasks” I needed to fulfil to be a Christian.

There was no accountability and no guidance in my spiritual and moral life as I stopped attending cell group and was a “backbencher” on Sundays during service as well. I led a completely different life on other days when I partied and played a lot, I only wanted to have fun! I started to sin regularly but still felt that I had everything under control, I trusted in my ability of self-control. Little did I know that I will just carry on sinning.

During my National Service days, when training was tough and I was intermittently thinking of giving up, I relied on my own strength to solve things. When that failed, it started to dawn on me that I was not that great after all. I started to question my purpose in life: why I was working so hard to do well in army, in school.

I truly believe that God’s hand brought me to XScapade 2006: CrossOut. The willingness of my church friends to accept me back was heart-warming and the messages were speaking to me. Pastor Daniel shared about the grace of God being sufficient to forgive ALL of our sins no matter how grave it is and all you have to do is receive. When the altar call was made, I noticed a younger camper in my group seeming like he needed ministry so I offered to accompany him. I was feeling so unworthy to even be at the camp because of my past sins (remember I was prideful) BUT God was indeed gracious to me. When Pastor Daniel prayed for me, I felt a strong surge of relief within me overflowing and bursting out of me. I finally felt truly forgiven and reconnected with God through the Holy Spirit. I re-dedicated my life then to God and never looked back!

Slowly, God has taught me since then to rely on him more and more and less on my own abilities. He has also shown himself true, always overcoming the odds in all aspects of my life. Now, I am still fighting my fleshly desires and seeking to live a life pleasing to him. I still have my struggles but I am assured of God’s forgiveness and that his grace is sufficient for me to overcome anything. I can only try to be that person he wants me to be as a response to his immense love for me. My purpose in life is clear: taking up my cross and being set apart for him.

When I look back to the last youth camp, it was indeed the single most significant event in my life. It beats all the rugby matches that I have won, the prizes that I have taken home and even the many praises I received! At that youth camp, I discovered personally God’s true love for me. I also remembered the many friends I made and reconciled with while we enjoyed ourselves playing the games. I highly encourage those who are still thinking of whether to come for this year’s Youth Camp, do not reject God if he is calling you back. If you have any questions about your life, do not hesitate to come and find out. I know that he will come and meet you and personally. I myself am looking forward to God’s power working through this camp. It will be a life-changing experience!